


His to Hear

by deanisbiandsoami



Series: Why? JUst why did I come up with this? [19]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A MOTHERFUCKINGLOT, Depression CW, Established Relationship, Famous Dean, Fluff, Grief, Hurt, I'm Sorry, I'm evil, Life being unfair, M/M, Not Beta Read, Perfect Husband Cas, Right up until the point where I destroy everything, Singer Dean, literally perfect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 19:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3949291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanisbiandsoami/pseuds/deanisbiandsoami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean only sings for Cas. That's why he does anything, actually. Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His to Hear

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just really sorry for this particular brainchild

Dean never really wanted to be a singer. He never consciously decided that he would write his own songs and learn how to play guitar and sing to thousands of people. It started with a simple love song, sung as a joke to his boyfriend. And then said boyfriend, who by the way was his husband by now,  said he loved his voice and so he continued to sing for him when they were alone and bored. Dean started with singing Cas' favourite songs or the song that got stuck in Cas' head earlier during the day.

And now? Right now he is preparing to go out on a stage in front of an audience of 80,000 people and that isn't even his biggest gig. Oh and preparing means lying on the couch in his dressing room with his head in his husband's lap and singing his favourite song to him.

Cas sighs happily as Dean lets the last note ebb away. 'Somewhere only We know' hadn't always been Cas' favourite song. Dean sang it to him for the first time on their wedding because they used to always sneak out into the woods in the middle of the night to a clearing with a tiny lake. It was there that Dean sang a whole song for Cas first. They had never told anyone about the meetings in the dark.

"With what should I start tonight?" Dean asks. Cas opens his eyes and looks down at him. It's another thing Dean loves to do, start his concert with a famous song to get his audience in the mood because everyone is happier and pumped after singing a song with 80,000 plus people.

"Hmm…" Cas hums, thinking about what song everyone could sing. He chuckles after a while and then brings one of his arms down from the back of the couch, running his fingers through Dean's hair.

"All Star." He says and Dean smiles, sitting up.

"I'm gonna tell the boys. You get yourself into the audience so I can see you." Dean commands.

"Yes, sir." Cas jokes with a mock-salute and Dean bends down to kiss him.

"Everything I sing is for you." Dean says. Cas buries his hand in Dean's hair and pulls him closer.

"I love you." He says as they pull apart.

 

 

Five minutes later Dean is on stage, the crowd going nuts, Dean looks around, seeing Cas just behind the barrier on the right side of the stage. He grins and puts his guitar down before hopping off the stage and walking over to Cas. The fans around him screaming loudly. Dean takes a few hands but his eyes are locked with Cas' as he leans over the barrier and kisses him. Cas hums into the kiss and returns it, burying his hand in Dean's hair and pulling him closer.

"Don't go away." Dean mumbles against Cas' lips. "Couldn't sing without you here."

Dean climbs back on stage and greets his fans. Some ask whom he just kissed. He grinned.

"So this your first of my concerts?" He asks. "Cause I do this every time. He's my husband sorry to disappoint you guys but I'm taken." He grins holding up his hand with the shiny wedding ring.

It takes him a few minutes to get the whole crowd quiet and then he holds his hand up for his band counting from three down with his fingers.

"Some-" He starts singing, some people in the crowd cheering already. "BODY ONCE TOLD ME…" He continues the crowd joining in.

He loved the audience, they were loud and danced and jumped and clapped and what not. He also loved looking over at Cas seeing him happy.

 

Around halfway into his concert he looked over at Cas for a moment, expecting to see him smile up at the stage because he just started singing the band's faster version of Somewhere only We know but instead he saw his husband fall to the ground. He stopped singing at once, spluttering a 'I'm sorry' into his mic before quickly dropping it and his guitar and running off the stage and over to Cas. He jumped over the barrier and knelt down next to Cas.

"Hey!" He shouted, framing Cas' face. "Cas!" He shouted. Cas' eyelids fluttered but all Dean could see was white.

"Fuck." Dean cursed and picked Cas up carefully. "Wake up, Cas!" He shouted before carefully climbing over the barrier and carrying Cas trough the security entrance to the halls back stage. He was almost running to one of the medical tents.

"He fainted." Dean just said as he finally arrived at the tent. One of the paramedics hurried over to Dean taking Cas and placing him on one of the beds.

"He's got a weak pulse, we have to get him to a hospital." He declared after a while and then put an oxygen mask over Cas' mouth and nose.

"Shouldn't you be on stage?" He asked as they were making Cas ready for transport.

"Fuck stage, I'm going to the hospital." Dean said.

"Sorry, buddy, only immediate family." The paramedic said.

"He's my husband, that immediate enough for you?" Dean asked. The paramedic nodded and then they were moving Cas.

 

As they entered the hospital everything went really fast and then Cas was in the ER and Dean was told to leave and then Cas was gone and Dean ended up sitting in a room full of people sharing his situation. He was watching the clock when his phone rang.

"Sam?" He asked.

"What the hell is happening? Where are you?" Sam asked.

"I'm in the hospital, Sam. Cas is in surgery and you've never been more wrong if you think I'm gonna go on a stage now! Tell them I'm sorry and that they can have their money back or whatever you want to tell them." Dean snapped.

"Oh god! I hope he's gonna be alright." Sam said. Dean didn't know how much time passed… well he knew that sixteen hours, twenty-three minutes and fifty-five seconds had passed since he came into this room but he didn't realize how much time it was because it felt like years.

"Dean Winchester." Someone finally said. Several people looked up.

"Mr. Winchester, your-" The doctor made a little pause.

"Husband." Dean supplied.

"Ah right, somehow a muscle in your husband's… heart ripped." Dean clenched his jaw that didn't sound good at all. "We tried to fix the tissue but the rapture was big due to the long way to the hospital and into the ER…his heart didn't start beating again as we detached him from the machines keeping him alive during surgery."

"What?" Dean asked, he felt tears burn in his eyes.

"Your husband is dead." The doctor said. Dean rubbed a hand over his face. "We did everything we could." The doctor said. Dean nodded.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Dean nodded.

 

"Thank you." He said. Why would this happen? Dean thought. Cas was always fine, healthy. He ate Sam's damn rabbit food and worked out. This wasn't fucking fair. Dean left the hospital in a trance like state. He decided to just walk to his hotel, not caring that it would be thirty minutes of walking and that he could just call Sam. He didn't want to say anything.

He turned off his phone after the fourth time it rang and just continued walking. There were several people asking if he was Dean Winchester but he just walked on. It took him almost an hour to get to his hotel. He went to his room, finding that he didn't have his key so he just slid down to the floor, leaning against the door and pulled his knees up against his chest, resting his forehead on top of them. Cas was gone. He couldn't believe it. Just a day ago they were together, perfectly happy and unaware of anything that would happen.

 

Dean looked up when he heard his brother call out his name.

"Jesus, Dean, you scared me, where the hell have you been!" Sam shouted. "I was in every damn hospital in this town!" Dean looked up at his brother.

"Do you have a key to my room?" He asked. Sam frown but handed him the key card. Dean opened the door and walked through the room, falling down on the bed.

"What happened?" Sam asked, closing the door behind him.

"Cas is dead." Dean said and turned to face the wall, away from Sam.

"Fuck." Sam said and slumped down on the couch.

 

 

Dean spent the next week just lying around, he didn't even have enough energy to get on a plane.

"I want to go home." Dean said as Sam brought another tray of breakfast that would go uneaten, just like the burgers for lunch and dinner and ever the pies.

"Okay, we'll fly to LA and-" Sam said.

"No, I want to go home. Lawrence, home." Dean said.

"What?" Sam asked.

"I don't want to set foot in the house I and- bought. I don't want to see it ever again. I just want to go home." Dean said.

"But all your prizes and-"

"I never wanted them." Dean interrupted him. "I only ever sang for him."

 

 

"Dean?" Sam called as he came back from whatever he was doing outside the house, Dean didn't care enough to listen to his brother any more. He didn't answer but Sam found him anyway… it's not like he left the couch in the last few months.

"Don't think that maybe giving a memorial concert would help you grieve?" Sam asked.

"I do not sing." Dean answered. He had said it a lot but Sam didn't understand how serious he was.

"I get that it reminds you of him and that it hurts but Dean, singing is who you are and you can't just give it up like that." Sam said.

"Stop it, Sam. I'm not giving anything up. I sang because he wanted to hear me and he liked my voice. My voice is his to hear and I don't want to sing if he's not there to hear me so please leave me alone." With that Dean went back to have a staring battle with the wall.

 

 

Sam tried multiple times to get Dean back to singing, he showed him pictures of his fans building memorials for Cas but he didn't care. He thought it was cute that they grieved for him but it didn't make Cas come back. So now Dean hadn't sung a song for more than five years. Dean had built himself a life in Lawrence. He had a job at the local garage and actually found a small group of friends. They had never even heard his name before. They never asked him why he stopped singing.

He spent a lot of time at the little lake in the woods where he'd buried Cas' ashes. He just sat there and thought of how many hours and nights they spent there, how many times they skinny dipped in the lake and how many important moments of their relationship had happened here. Their first kiss, the first time they had sex, Dean's proposal after their high school graduation and the second one as they were older and came back here during a break between two of Dean's tours. Dean stroked over the grass in front of the little pile of stones he built five years ago.  He took a deep breath.

"Cas… can you hear me?" He asked. "because I love you and I need you to hear me." Dean felt tears rise in his throat. In a long time he hadn't had enough emotions to cry. "I miss you so fucking much, my love. I wish you could just come back to me."

"I walked across the empty land.   
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand." Dean sang quietly.

"I felt the earth beneath my feet  
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree  
I felt the branches of it looking at me  
Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? 

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

 And if you have a minute, why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
Somewhere only we know 

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin 

And if you have a minute, why don't we go  
Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

 Oh, this could be the end of everything  
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
Somewhere only we know  
Somewhere only we know" Dean wiped his tears away and closed his eyes. If he concentrated enough he could hear Cas' voice, see him sit down next to him and wrap his arms around his shoulders and kiss him. It was a beautiful image as random as it had seemed five years ago. It was one of the few memories that didn't make his heart ache.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry and thank you for reading


End file.
